Secret Love
by smileyfaces123
Summary: Maura loves Jane, Jane likes someone else. See if and how their friendship survives when Maura breaks Jane's trust. Rated T for swearing and mention of self harm. Review please! The story is better than the summary, because I suck at summaries
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: be nice and review:) **

**Excuse any spelling mistakes and the plot…as really it's just a drabble. Anyways enjoy!**

There were indisputable feelings there, she knew that for sure. But it was hard for Maura to name them. Were they simply feelings of affection, of friendship towards the woman who had completely changed her life for the better? Or were they deeper feelings of irrevocable love? Maura didn't want to think about it, she didn't want to change her life; she would live with the regret her decision may bring her if it meant she didn't lose Jane.

Jane had changed her whole world, brought her back from the world of the dead, and shown her the living. Jane had been there every step of the way, comforting her, guiding her, protecting her, _loving _her. Maura had changed, grown as a person, her reputation as the queen of the dead was long gone and all because of Jane, all because of Jane's out going, unselfish, undeniably loyal personality. Jane hadn't given up on Maura, so she had the strength to work through her problems and grow as a person.

Jane had made Maura into the person she was today…and Maura couldn't be happier.

…

Maura never woke to the sound of her alarm. No, she was up long before that. The dreams wouldn't stop, she had tried everything she could but to no avail. She listened to music whilst falling asleep, thought happy thoughts, imagined her perfect dream, yet every night she had the same dream, yes there were slight differences but there was always the same outcome. Jane died and Maura was always just too late to save her.

The dreams had started after Jane shot herself. Maura was in awe at the bravery Jane had shown, shooting herself to bring down a criminal, yet Maura was also mad. Mad at how selfish Jane was whilst she was trying not to be selfish. Jane was going to leave her without a second thought. Maura didn't care if she was being irrational, when she saw Jane's wound, she felt as though her world was going to end. Her vision had blurred and her knees buckled, her heart thudded in her chest as though it was trying to break out. It was only the doctor in her that had made Maura go to Jane, the doctor in her had rationalised her brain enough to make Maura act, without Maura, Jane would be dead…And without Jane Maura wouldn't have been living in the first place. Not really.

Jane didn't know about the dreams, if she did she would've made Maura talk to someone, a therapist. The therapist would only tell her what she already knew but refused to accept, Maura was emotionally broken, she had made an attachment to Jane and the dreams where personifying her deepest fear, that Jane would be taken from her, and she would be left alone again. Stranded in the sea of people Jane had convinced her to swim in. Stranded and drowning. Jane had convinced Maura to leave the safety of her isolation and go out and learn who she is. Maura would be completely and utterly broken without Jane and if she somehow made Jane leave her…Maura was convinced she wouldn't be able to breath.

…

Maura's worst dream had come true, Jane had left her. Was Jane taken by the bullet of a madman's gun, or been stabbed whilst heroically saving someone? No Jane had left because of Maura's mistake. When it happened, Maura had, had a panic attack, her world had spun, she was crying and she couldn't breathe. Had Jane cared no, should she of…again no. Jane had probably thought it was some act on Maura's part…some trick to make Jane feel sorry for her. Maura had wished it was some sort of trick, but it wasn't this was actually her body's reaction to the thought of Jane leaving her forever. Maura had brought this on herself, she'd broken Jane's trust and that wasn't something that could be easily fixed. Jane had told Maura a secret, and Maura had told someone else this secret.

There was a reason Maura told this secret but it wasn't something she was going to share with Jane, it would just make Jane hate her more. Maura said it was a mistake and it truly was, in the mess that was Maura mind, her feelings for Jane had needed an outlet so Maura had talked to Korsak. It was during this talk with Korsak that Maura had let slip of Jane's secret. It wasn't deliberate it was just implied within the conversation. Maura loved Jane, but could never have her because of two reasons: one Jane was heterosexual, and if that wasn't enough second Jane liked someone else… Frost.

Within Maura's talk to Korsak, she had betrayed Jane's trust. She hadn't realised at the time and hadn't imagined Korsak doing anything with the information. How wrong was she? Korsak had spoken to Jane about it and consequently Jane had come to Maura. Maura felt like shit. She couldn't believe that she'd broken Jane's trust again.

_Flashback _

_Maura was sitting on the floor in her bathroom; bruises covering her legs, Jane walked in and saw her. 'Maura' she breathed, 'what happened to you'? _

'_It's nothing Jane honestly, I'm just clumsy.' Maura moved to cover up the bruises but Jane stopped her, 'this isn't nothing Maura, is someone hurting you?' Jane asked worry etched into her face. Maura shook her head. 'Are you...are you hurting yourself again..?' Jane asked her voice pleading with Maura that it wasn't true. Maura looked away guilty and ashamed. 'You promised you wouldn't! Maura why would you?' _

'_I couldn't… I couldn't deal with my feelings; they were too much, too many late night thoughts, too many sleepless nights Jane…. This is a release.' _

'_you promised you wouldn't Maura…I can't believe I didn't see that you were struggling. Why didn't you tell me?' _

'_I know I promised Jane, I know…I feel like my very soul is disgusted with the fact that I've broken your trust and that you're obviously so very hurt.' Jane was crying silent tears and Maura made a move to comfort her, but Jane moved out of her reach. 'Why didn't you tell me?' Jane asks her voice breaking. 'I didn't tell you because you've got so many other things to deal with. So many more important things to deal with, I didn't want to waste your time.'_

'_You are not a waste of time Maura, but it's going to take me a while to trust you again. You know that right?' _

'_I know.' Maura knew that this was going to happen, but she also knew that because of her love for Jane she would wait millennia and do impossible things like bottle sunshine, catch stars and walk on water to earn her trust again. _

_End flashback_

Jane was hurt this time, and Maura wasn't coping with the fact Jane wouldn't talk to her again and that Jane couldn't trust her again. When Jane had asked if Maura had told Korsak about her feelings for Frost, Maura had admitted yes. That's when Jane had told Maura she couldn't trust her again.

'Maura I can't believe you broke my trust again. My feelings for Frost were a secret.' Jane shouted, 'Jane, honey it was a mistake it was implied in the conversation.' Maura had pleaded

'A mistake?! How can you accidently tell someone another friend's secret?'

'I had to talk to someone Jane, my head was so confused.'

'Why didn't you talk to me?' Jane asked confused for a moment and forgetting her anger.

'Because Jane you have enough stress already. You don't need my problems on top of that.'

Jane was speechless and left the morgue in a rush, tear were streaming down her face just as they were Maura's.

Maura was sick to her stomach, and as if the body was proving a point, the contents of her stomach soon decorated her office's toilet. Maura cried for a solid hour, she suffered a panic attack and called Jane in an attempt to calm down. 'Whaddya want?' Jane asked.

'Jane. ' .' Maura panted, her breathing fast and her head spinning, 'Go tell Korsak, Maura, I'm done with being betrayed.'

'Jane!' Maura cried, 'I'm. . .' Maura's crying was uncontrollable and she curled up into a ball so that if she did pass out she wouldn't hit her head.

'bye.' Jane said as she hung up the phone. 'Jane!' Maura howled through her tears. Maura had royally screwed up and as she lay on the morgue floor, tears pouring down her cheeks, her body wracked with sobs she realised she needed Jane more than she needed oxygen. She realised that without Jane she was nothing. She also realised that loving someone secretly was hard.

This whole mess was caused by the fact that Maura couldn't tell Jane her feelings, because if Jane knew their friendship would never be the same again. 'But if I had told her at least we'd still have a friendship' Maura thought with a bitterness never present in the medical examiner before.

As she calmed down Maura realised she'd brought this on herself and she'd do anything to fix it.

She was going to earn Jane's forgiveness and hopefully her trust.

'Forgive me Jane…please.'


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: next chapter! Because people have actually reviewed:)**

…..

After her break down in the morgue, Maura had excused herself for the rest of the day, saying it was 'personal business that needed to be attended to immediately'. No one had questioned her, why would they? She was the Chief Medical Examiner she was entitled to some personal days.

Pulling into her drive, Maura sat in her car and stared out of the windscreen, she didn't want to be alone at the moment but who else did she have apart Jane. Maura flinched as she thought about her. She'd really screwed up her friendship but as she sat in the car Maura knew she wouldn't give up. Jane was Maura's angel from her nightmares, and the unsuspecting victim.

Jane had trusted Maura. Maura had broken that trust and was now paying the price. Jane was hurting and that thought hurt Maura more than anything. But it also motivated her, the thought of Jane hurting, the image of Jane crying made Maura want to fix things between the two of them even more than she did already.

….

A week had passed and the two of them were yet to talk properly. They avoided one another as much as possible. Correction, Jane avoided Maura as much as possible. She hadn't come down to the morgue, she sent Frost to collect the results to the autopsy, they hadn't eaten lunch together nor had drinks after work. The whole precinct knew they'd fought. When Barry had come down to collect the results he'd asked what had happened. Maura looked at him with tears in her eyes and told him they'd argued. He'd looked sympathetically at her and told her they'd get through it, they needed each other too much, Maura hoped this was true, she wasn't sure how much longer she could stand without seeing Jane, without talking to her, without just being near her.

It was pathetic really, Maura thought, how much of an effect one single person could have on her. But Maura knew that Jane wasn't just a person, she was the woman she loved, the woman who had saved her, the woman who had brought her to life.

Maura needed air, so she put down the sample she was currently analysing and informed Susie that she was taken her lunch break now, she walked out of the precinct 5 minutes later and sat on a bench outside. She didn't eat, she hadn't felt like eating since the argument, she hadn't felt like doing anything. But she dragged herself into work each day in the hope of seeing Jane.

She felt someone sit down beside her, she breathed deeply, preparing herself for the conversation she was about to have. She turned to face the company she currently had. "Korsak." She said bluntly. "She's hurting Maura. More than she's letting on, she keeps blowing up at everyone, she nearly killed Frankie for sitting on her desk. That's not like the Janie I know." Korsak's fatherly concern for Jane warmed Maura's heart, and it thawed her annoyance at him, it wasn't his fault that she blabbed. "I screwed up Vince. I broke her trust and now she hates me." Maura sighed. He knew how she felt about Jane; he knew how much Jane meant to Maura. "She doesn't hate you Maura, she's pissed as hell, but she doesn't hate you." Korsak looked at her and gave her a reassuring smile, "I don't think she could."

"Of course she hates me" Maura whispered. "How could she not?"

"She loves you." Stated Korsak, "more than she would willing to admit"

"How do you know?" Maura asked hope shining in her eyes.

"It's my job to detect things Doctor." And with that Korsak got up and walked down the street, heading towards the donut shop.

Maura sat on the bench for the rest of her lunch break, thinking about what Korsak had meant. By the end of her break, she had reached two conclusions; one she needed to make it up to Jane and two she would do anything to do so.

As Maura got into the lift to go to the morgue, she started to formulate a plan to get Jane back, and hopefully make Jane hers.

**A/N: rizzles in the next chapter? Maybe… **

**I apologise for the quality of this, I wrote it at 2am. Forgive me? **

**Review please:) **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: this chapter is from Jane's point of view, enjoy! **

Maura Isles had become the centre of her world, everything she did was for her, whether to show her a world she wasn't familiar with, or impress her; it was clear that Jane Rizzoli's world was Maura.

Maura was Jane' anchor, throughout everything, through the nightmare that was Charles Hoyt, every sleepless night, Maura was there to comfort Jane, to put the nightmares from her mind.

…..

The only thought in Jane's mind as she walked to the morgue to confront Maura was 'how could she?', how could her friend, her confident, the person she trusted with her insecurities and fears break that trust? She waited outside the morgue door, trying to think of any logically explanation as to why Maura would break her trust, but as she couldn't arrive to any conclusion she pushed open the doors and looked around for the ME.

Maura was in the autopsy room, finishing the stitches on a body. Jane pushed open the door and walked in.

"What the hell Maur?" Jane asked, "Did you tell Korsak?" Jane looked at Maura with a mixture of disbelief and hurt. "Jane… yeah I…I did."

Jane looked at her with eyes full of hurt "Maura I can't believe you broke my trust again. My feelings for Frost were a secret." Jane yelled, her famous temper making an appearance.

"Jane, honey it was a mistake it was implied in the conversation.' Maura pleaded, "A mistake?! How can you accidently tell someone another friend's secret?"

"I had to talk to someone Jane, my head was so confused."

"Why didn't you talk to me?" Jane asked confused for a moment and forgetting her anger.

'Because Jane you have enough stress already. You don't need my problems on top of that.'

And with that Jane span on her heel and walked out of the morgue, hearing Maura cry her name broke her heart, and it took everything Jane had to not turn round and comfort her. As Jane entered the lift she allowed the tears she had been holding back to fall freely, each tear carved a path on her cheek.

…

Jane had left the precinct after visiting Maura and gone home. Jo Friday had yapped excitedly when Jane entered her apartment but Jane was in no mood for the affectionate dog. "Whaddya want Jo?" she'd asked the dog, Jo looked up expectantly at her. "Alright I'll take you out." Jane sighed and went to fetch Jo's lead.

The walk did nothing to clear Jane's head. After entering her apartment and feeding Jo, Jane collapsed on her bed and cried. She let out all of her pent up frustrations. She cried at Maura's betrayal, she cried about how Maura made her feel like the most important girl in the world. Jane cried because of the more than 'just friends' feelings she had towards the medical examiner and the fact she couldn't express them. In truth Jane let out every feeling she had ever kept locked up.

…

The next week was slow, painfully slow. Jane barely spoke to Maura or looked at her. In truth she missed the blonde headed women but she wouldn't admit that aloud. For any autopsy reports she needed, Jane sent Frost, feeling it would be better if he saw the ME, as Jane wasn't sure how she would react to seeing her best friend. She knew Maura was hurt, as hurt as she was, but Jane was too stubborn to do anything about it. She didn't want to seem pathetic and make the first move. In truth Jane knew that her feelings for Maura were the reason she wouldn't actually go and talk to her, the thought of Maura finding out about them and not wanting a friendship with her petrified her more than the thoughts of Hoyt returning from the dead.

From the corner of her eye Jane saw Korsak rising from his desk, "hey Korsak" she called, "where you heading?" the older man looked at her before replying. "Geez Rizzoli didn't know I needed to check in with you every time I get up." He said with a chuckle, "Just going to the donut shop, want anything?" Jane thought for a moment, she really should eat…

"Yeah, get me anything." She said with a smirk. "If you give me five minutes I'll come with."

"Five minutes? Rizzoli it's gonna take you a lot longer than that to finish the paperwork you've got. Stay or Cavanaugh is gonna have your head. I'll be back soon." He said as he grabbed his jacket and walked out of the door.

Jane put her head on the table groaning in frustration. She really didn't want to do anymore paperwork, but if she didn't finish, Korsak was right, Cavanaugh was going to have her head.

"Why don't you go and see Maura?" Frost asked, "you haven't seen each other in ages."

"No." Jane replied bluntly. With that she got up and walked out of the bullpen. Frost stared after her.

Jane held back tears until she had made it to the safety of the bathroom. She sat on the floor, pulled her knees to her chest and broke down crying. "God," she thought, "I need Maura more than I ever realised."

She felt pathetic crying over her friend, she wanted Maura back and planned on doing so.

"Get a grip Rizzoli," she said to herself. She stood up and walked to the mirror, "all the best things are worth taking risks for." Moments later she walked out of the bathroom, determination clear in her eyes. She was going to get her girl.

**A/N: So this was kind of a filler chapter and I know Jane seems overly emotional, it's just I feel that Maura is her anchor and that without her Jane feels lost. Let me know what you think :)**


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